Use your imagination

I feel there is an art to swearing. I used to do it a lot more than I do now. A particularly vulgar ex of mine kind of cured me of it. Hearing some of the foulest and unrepeatable things ever in my life a billion times a day sort of makes cussing lose its glamor. But I do believe you can swear with grace and skill. Substitute swear words are the best. I good bellow of “Oh the Pope’s Nose!” when stubbing one’s toe is always good for a belly laugh. But there are a few things that make me really cuss. Cold is one of them. Cold, cold weather. It was -13 (real temp, not windchill) this morning and that made me drop the F-bomb from my car to my office building door. Over and over and over. There is really no other way to deal with the cold than to swear liberally. My husband does not swear and it’s nice. I never worry about the the kids looking at us with astonishment because Daddy said “the s-word” or whatever. And it’s cute when our daughter says “gosh darn it” or “dagnabbit.” But I got to thinking, I am going to have to teach them to swear. It is a necessary skill in life. I have won many conference room arguments with a skillfully placed cuss word. They are powerful, all words are powerful. I am kind of looking forward to the day when I can teach my daughter to swear properly. You can’t over do it and you can’t do it with weakness. You have to know when and how.

And, it is always OK to drop the F-bomb when it’s 13 below zero, real temp, not windchill.